But, many also said that there are very few sexual or romantic depictions of big men. Who are the visibly gay, overweight men out there? You can almost count them on one hand - there's Cam on Modern Family (played by straight actor Eric Stonestreet), perennial left-of-center-square comedic writer Bruce Vilanch and intern-no-more Ross Mathews. Though each talented in their own right, none were ever explicitly sexual or sexualized. Perhaps only the sexual portrayal of a man of size is Daniel Franzese's HIV-positive bear character on HBO's Looking, who is allowed to be tender, romantic, attractive and wanted.Īccording to Diaz, these messages about what a gay guy looks like manifest in how gay men treat each other in person and on dating apps. While the date went well enough in person, when he went back home, the man messaged him with a simple offer: "Hey! If you need a fitness instructor, let me know." Of course, we know Grindr is a hotbed of racism and even anti-Islamic sentiment - but, hey, it's sizeist, too, according to Diaz.Ī few years back, Diaz went on a date with a man he met on Grindr in Florida. "I didn't ask for his opinion," Diaz said. "It was very unwarranted."ĭiaz is currently in a relationship where he says his partner loves him at his current size. But during his single years, the bars were often unwelcoming to people of his size, he said. Diaz also said he's found refuge in the bear scene. But when he does enter mainstream spaces, he often has to arm himself with his own personal mantra. "I walk into these clubs with that mentality, like 'I'm here to have fun.'" Samuel Colón, 37 "When I go back to bars on the west side in midtown, where I've felt uncomfortable, in my head, I have to say to myself, 'You're loved, you have an awesome partner, you have great friends, you're good,'" he said. Raul Quintero spoke to me about what happens when the search for that feeling of being appreciated for your size can go to extremes.
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Quintero spent a few months in gainer and feeder culture, where men worship men with big bellies, and some go to extremes to gain weight. Quintero has seen videos of men eating lard and funneling gallons of milk into their partners' guts - because of a sexual attraction to bellies.
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Quintero, who is now on a fitness journey but used to weight about 270 pounds, told Mic that he went on these gainer-feeder sites in search of potential dates, but decided it wasn't for him. He met men who brought him to restaurants just to share in the experience of watching him eat. With one man, Quintero made a list of restaurants where he wanted to eat in Los Angeles and his date would bring him there and watch him eat. "These guys, they loved my body, they loved my big fat belly," Quintero told Mic.